


The Ascendancy of The Light, and the Descent of the Dark: Redemption in the Darkest of Times

by orphan_account



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Absolutely no spoilers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Force Mind-Search, I promise, Kylo Ren - Freeform, Smut in further chapters, cannon-noncompliant, enemies to fuckbuddies?, im just here to write about how hot kylo ren is tbh, not apart of the cannonverse, some dark themes may apply as well, star wars sequel trilogy - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-12-27
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-02-25 21:49:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,566
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21992470
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: You're a Resistance fighter, trying to stop the Galaxy from falling into the hands of the first order. You and Poe get captured on a mission to try and deliver intel to allies stationed on the planet Carida. The both of you succeed on delivering the intel, but in the process of escaping, you get captured by the first order when your ship gets you caught. You and Poe get separated, and you end up aboard the Supreme Leader's Star-Destroyer, the Finalizer.
Relationships: Kylo Ren/Reader
Comments: 10
Kudos: 82





	1. Chapter 1

As you stepped outside onto the snowy mountaintop with Poe, you finally understood how good you truly had it on your little desert planet- Carida was miserably cold, even on the ground- but on a mountaintop, where the air was thinner, blowing, and cold, you truly thought about your life decisions. While it was true that the Resistance was your calling, with protecting the galaxy and people and everything, maybe it wasn't worth the goodness you brought if you were to freeze on top of a mountain... Maybe. You look at Poe, who is totally fine with this predicament- a miserable, cold, awful predicament- standing with his hands on his hips, eyes searching the horizon for your contact. 

You huff, and walk back up into the Millennium Falcon, to look for a parka, when you hear Poe shout your name. Knowing that you both have to be present for the exchange, you walk back out, with a sigh. Fuck the cold. Standing next to Poe, you watch as the walkway from the other ship extends, and your contact walks out. 

“You have it?”

“Yeah,” says Poe. He takes his right hand off of his hip, and reaches into his pocket for the drive. What the intel was, you didn’t know- the two of you had been instructed to not look at it by the previous holder, and General Organa herself. Neither of you wanted to fuck orders up that badly, so neither of you had looked. He palms it, and reaches out to your contact. 

“Our previous guy and General Organa told us to not look at what this is. I’m not sure what your orders are, but we thought it best to tell you, regardless.” The contact nods, and walks back into the ship, and the walkway closes. They take off, and you’re left standing in a freezing wind. 

“Thanks for that, fuck-o.” You look at Poe, sure your lips are blue. “Can we leave now? I’m dying out here.”

He laughs, and shakes his head. “It's not so bad once you get used to it, kiddo.” He turns around, and you follow him back into the falcon. As you get farther into the ship, it gets warmer, and you can feel some of the warmth flow back into your limbs. Poe sits in the Pilot's seat, and you sit in co-pilot. You know nothing of flying, but you sit there because you hate the silence, and you want to be helpful in case Poe needs something. The two of you have an interesting bond. It isn’t quite a friendship, and it isn’t romance either. It was cuddle-when-one-of-you-has-nightmares-and-can't-sleep, but it wasn’t kiss-me-cause-I’m-lonely. You loved him, but in a way that made it impossible to be romantic with him. He felt the same way, and you two were inseparable.  
He lifts the falcon off of the ground, and begins to fly upward, toward the stars. You think that the two of you will make it, since there have been no interruptions. You were so wrong. As the two of you breach the planets atmosphere, you suck in a breath- a Star Destroyer. You look at Poe, who has the same look on his face; fear. As he reaches to activate the hyperdrive, the ship shudders, the controls beep, and then the ship is plunged into darkness. You push a button, and it just clicks. No beep, no reaction. The First Order had taken control of your ship- and you could only wait to be in their docking bay. 

“Can we hide under the planks? Like Rey and Finn did?”

“No chance. The troopers know this ship inside and out, considering how many times it’s been captured.”

“Drop pods?”

“They’re all broken or too old to function.”

“Can we hide in them?”

Poes eyes shift, as he thinks. “It's worth a shot.”

The two of you run towards the pod drop- there’s only one, and you’re not sure if you both will fit. You open the lid, and motion for Poe to get in. He does, and you slide in next to him- you’re pressed against the sides, barely any room to breathe. You shut the viewing window, making the entire thing go dark. As the two of you settle in completely, you hear the walkway open, and troopers load in. 

“Find the rebel scum- if this ship was flying, there must be some of those rats in here! Search the ship.”

You tensed in indignation- scum? They called you scum? When they were the ones murdering and enslaving innocent people? The nerve that these assholes had. You felt Poe beside you, and he was just as pissed. Suddenly, there was a tapping against the side of the pod you were in, breaking you and Poe out of your reverie. 

“Captain, do you think that they could be in this pod?”

“Open it and find out.”

“Yes, Captain.”

You and Poe both freeze, hearts beating fast, palms sweating. This really wasn’t how you expected your day to go, and you assumed that Poe hadn’t thought this was going to happen either. The trooper finds the latch you were hoping he wouldn’t and flicks it- the pod’s top hisses, and slowly lifts. You sit up, once the top is fully opened, and lunge for the trooper and his blaster. Apparently, he didn’t actually expect anyone who may be hiding to fight back, because you had taken him by surprise. Unfortunately, that’s the only thing you took from him, as his strength gave him the ability to wrestle the blaster away from you, and point it at your head. Poe was still sitting in the pod, hands raised, and a look of fury, fear, and resignation on his face. You stopped struggling as well, and lifted your hands slowly. Other troopers rounded the corner, blasters up, and you knew that this would be the moment you became imprisoned. 

“On your knees, now!” You knew the only way you could survive was to get on your knees. You did, and as the troopers filled the small space, you felt the utter emptiness of complete panic. He took your wrists roughly, secured them in cuffs, and demanded you stand up. You did, and he began to march you out of the craft, as you stared at the floor. You can't bring yourself to look up, at Poe, at your trooper. Nobody. You felt Poe as he marched beside you, and you felt the shame that he felt of being caught. You finally got the courage to look up, and to him, and you saw a sad smile on his face. It’ll be ok, his expression seemed to say- if only you could believe him. You and your guards slowed to a stop- in front of General Armitage Hux, and Kylo Ren. Hux had a look of something akin to glee on his face, if he wasn’t so busy being a prick. The most he could manage was a smug smirk. 

“Commander Dameron, we meet again. How exciting.” His clipped manner of speaking was a surprise to you- you had heard him speak on the HoloNet, but you’d never heard him in person. It was awful. “Dameron will come with me, the girl will go with the Supreme Leader.” 

You shake your head, and reached out for Poe, trying to stay with him. The trooper that had cuffed you grabbed your cuffed hands, and dragged you away from him. The both of you were screaming for the other, not caring whose attention you brought. When you couldn’t see or hear Poe anymore, you attempted to not cry, blinking back tears as you walked behind the billowing cloak of Kylo Ren.


	2. Chapter 2

As you walk through the halls of the Finalizer, you begin to think of what you could to to escape-your hands are cuffed, and while that isn’t necessarily a problem, the armed stormtroopers and officers everywhere were. 

Playing dead or ill wouldn’t work, because the best medical technology was within the First Order. They’d know that you were acting within seconds of having a med-droid scan you.

Making a run for it would secure you a nice blaster-caused death, which was not the idea. 

The main way to survive for now, would be your compliance. That made your spine angrily tighten. Compliance. The thought of it made you want to punch the wall, but you wouldn’t, as that wouldn’t be very compliant. You, Ren, and your Trooper turned a corner, and were faced with a blast door. As you turned around to truly get your bearings, you heard Ren’s cloak move, and suddenly you felt exhausted. There was a weight on your mind, and you could feel it pushing you down. You fought the feeling, knowing that Jedi and force-sensitive people could do this, but you couldn’t hold out. Your eyelids drooped closed, and you felt heat and leather before you were completely gone. 

When you came to, the first thing you noticed was that you were on an interrogation table. Your ankles were locked into footholds by durasteel cuffs, so were your knees, hands, and upper arms were in the same position. As you completely woke up, you looked around your cell, as much as you could. Cold, black walls, with one singular row of blinding lights above you, a terrifying humming droid hovering just feet away from you. 

“Hey. Psst. Droid.” The droid didn’t acknowledge your presence- or your voice. “Droid, can I get some water? I’m parched.” Again, the droid didn’t say, or do anything. You sigh in resignation, and put your head back into the headrest. You notice that while you had been unconscious, someone had taken your hair out of its braid, and you could feel your loose hair on your neck. You also noticed that any potential “weapons” had been taken from you. Your necklace, bracelets, and belt. While they were smart to do that… you hoped that if you were able to get out, you’d be able to get them back. If, you snorted. When, you decided. When you got out. 

You felt him before you woke again- a towering and dark presence, anger and fury rolling off of him. Kriff. 

“So, rebel. What does it feel like to be in the first order- in my ship?” The mask unnerved you to no end. The voice that came out of it was mechanical- a modulator. You surveyed him, from the bottoms of his boots, to the belt that chinched his waist, and the mask that you found yourself being unable to look at. You cast your eyes downward, backtracking on asserting any type of dominance, and replied. 

“It’s terrifying. And cold. There is a darkness that settles over this ship… and I’m drowning in it.”

His masked eyes surveyed you as you did to him- except he looked you straight in your eyes, and you could not tear away. He walked closer, and you felt your heartbeat and breathing quicken. The blush that rose in your cheeks confused you to no end. You blinked your confusion away, still unable to cast your eyes anywhere but his helmet. When he was directly in front of you, he leaned down, put his face directly in front of yours, and caged you in between his arms.

“We know you were passing along information that could help the resistance. What was it?”

You looked directly into his helmet, feeling smug. “I don’t know what the information was. I was told to not look at it, in case this happened.”

“I don’t believe you,” he said simply. 

“You can do that force manipulation thingy that Jedi can do, or whatever. I. Didn’t. Look.”

At that, he straightened suddenly, and brings his hands up to his head. You can't help but flinch, and if he notices, which you’re sure he does, he does not say anything. His fingers reach under his mask, and when he hits some sort of button, or latch. It clicks, and his mask releases. He takes it off, slowly, and you cannot help the curiosity that you have because of this- is he trying to make you uncomfortable? Does he have some sort of facial injury? 

All is answered when he fully takes it off. Long, black, wavy hair. Plump lips, strong nose, pale, freckled skin, and dark brown eyes. He, to your chagrin, is beautiful. He stares directly down at you as he takes off his gloves to reveal huge hands. You can see why he wears the mask- if he didnt wear it all the time, people would be too astonished by how pretty he is. You chuckle to yourself, and his eyes go hard. You realize your mistake after the fact, and as you do, you also don’t fail to notice that he takes his previous stance, face directly in front of yours, eyes staring into yours, and arms on either side of your body. You can feel the weight of what you assume is his force in your head- right behind your eyes. You don’t submit though, by instinct you fight his intrusion into your head. What was in your head was yours, and he had no right to take it! 

He chuckles at that, he can hear your thoughts. “You’re in my territory- which makes you mine. I control you, I own you, and you are an object. You have no rights to anything- your thoughts, your emotions, your body. I. Am. The. Supreme. Leader. You bow to me.” He presses harder, and your fight disintegrates as you process his words. An object? Something to control? As his presence in your head digs through, trying to find a nonexistent answer to his question, the pressure behind your eyes becomes a searing headache. You begin to scream, as he roots deeper, and deeper, overturning memories that you’d rather leave unturned, you begin to cry as well. When he realizes that no, you don’t have the information he’s looking for, he recedes from your head, bringing his power back with him. You slump into your chair, face tear-streaked, ears ringing, and headache raging. You take a deep breath, and open your eyes. He’s still in front of you, but he's not in your face anymore- you’re grateful, but also weary. 

“Where's the rebel base?”

“I don’t know. Poe and I haven’t been to a rebel base in at least a half cycle- maybe more.”

“Poe Dameron. Another rebel. Possibly the best pilot in the resistance, aside from the Scavenger,” he hisses with malice lining his words.

You decide to respond cheekily. “I haven’t flown with Rey- but I’ve talked to her. She’s really nice, and she is freakishly pretty. However, I have flown with Poe. Yeah he’s a good pilot, but hes also a daring and sometimes stupid motherfucker. So, good pilot, yes. Best pilot, to be decided.” You regret your words as they tumble out of your mouth- you didn’t give them permission, and yet here they are. Is this a side effect of having your brain forcefully raked over? 

Your words have a different effect on him than you thought they would. You’d assumed he’d get angry, or spit venom in your eyes, but he remained stoic. And that frightened you even more, because this man was unpredictable. He moves to your side, and presses a button behind you- and your table tilts back, until you’re parallel with the floor.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this begins the cycle of darkness for the story. violence and psychological, as well as physical torture ahead.

Now that you’re parallel to the floor, you can see the ceiling- it's the same as everything else. Dark. Cold. Ren chuckles as you curl into yourself, exhausted from the minor torture that you were experiencing. 

“You’ve never had anyone go through your mind like this, have you? I could tell when I dove in- you’re a virgin.” Your cheeks burn at this. 

“Yeah, well, takes one to know one,” you snarl at him. Again, your impulses get ahead of your plan of staying alive, and you cringe. His nostrils flare. At this rate, he’d probably just kill you to make you shut up. 

“Do you know that you’re force sensitive? I can feel it. Untapped potential. Why have you never used it before? Why have you always kept it hidden?”

You sigh, and open your mouth, for no sound to come out. You can feel your throat start to constrict, and air to move slowly to your lungs. Your jaw moves up and down, gasping for air that was so desperately needed. You’re so distracted by this, that you don’t feel Ren taking your hair in his hand. When the constriction upon your throat lessens, and you can finally get air, you suck it in as fast, and as hard as you can. 

“Your hair was in a braid when I first saw you. Do you know why I took it out?” You shake your head, knowing that if you try to speak you’ll most likely hurt your throat. The sudden change in topic did not go over your head. You stayed silent, in fear of his retaliation.

He smirks down at you, and begins to thread his fingers through the strands twisting them in his hands. “It’s so I could do this,” he says as he yanks your head back. A cry escapes your throat, and your eyes burn again.

“Pulling a woman’s hair while in a braid, while just as painful, is less personal, less degrading than if it is down. Wouldn’t you say?” His fingers begin to softly pet your scalp, and while you appreciate the lull in the pain, your fear begins to manifest through your entire body, with everything beginning to sweat. 

“Why are you doing this to me? I have nothing to give you, nothing that you don’t already have!” He continues to pet your still-stinging scalp, and you begin to cry. Big, uncontrollable tears. In all of this, you realize you’ve forgotten about Poe, your best friend. Your chest clenches at the thought of Poe undergoing the torture that you are right now. He must be in so much pain. Your breath hiccups as you try to breathe deep, and do what he would tell you to do. Stay calm, stick to your plan, and stay alive. 

While your plan could’ve worked in theory, Kylo Ren’s unpredictable questions and energy would make your plan go to shite. While compliance may be the way out of death, it certainly wouldn’t be your way off of the ship. 

“Why yes, I am quite unpredictable, rebel. It keeps everyone on their toes. It seems to work on you, though I am quite sure that you know that already.” You look up to his face again. He is expressionless. No smile. No frown. Nothing. He moves his free hand to your chin, and grips it tightly. “You, rebel, are not going to leave this ship. You are going to stay here, and I am going to extract your potential from you, the same way you extract metal from the rocks it is in. You are going to be a shining beacon of just why the resistance cannot beat me. The First Order is going to be what the Empire could never be.”

Your eyes widen at his speech. Your potential? You could feel his presence in your mind, nothing more, nothing less. He seems to think otherwise. His grip on your jaw does not lessen, and neither does his stroking of your hair. “Come, rebel. I cannot trust you here, where you could get out." He releases his grip on your jaw, and you move it about to relieve the stiffness and pain. He pushes a button beside your stomach, and the cuffs release from your legs and arms. Before you can react or run, he has your hands in one of his. You weakly tug on your arms to free them from his, but his grip only tightens. He reaches behind you, for what you assume to be cuffs. You’re wrong- it's muzzle. He holds it in one hand, dangling it in front of your face. “When I let go of your hands, don’t try anything- it’ll just result in more pain.” His eyes search yours for a moment before letting go of your hands, and you instantaneously do what he told you not to do. 

You throw your shoulder into his chest, and he stumbles- his weight was unbalanced on his feet. You Run towards the door, and mid-stride he freezes your actions. You didn’t even make it two steps before he’d taken control of the situation. You can’t move anything except for your eyes, and in seconds you're moving back to him, and being thrown onto the table. 

His eyes glowed with barely held anger. “What. Did. I. Say?”

You open your mouth to beg for his forgiveness, but all that comes out is a pained wail as a blinding, head splitting screech rings in your ears. You collapse to the floor, holding your head as the pain builds, and as suddenly as it starts, it stops. You’re left on the floor, nauseous, ears ringing, and throat aching from the abuse. Kylo Ren kneels next to you, and with no fight from you, he puts the muzzle on your face. It covers your nose, mouth, and up to just under your eyes. He then cuffs you, and leaves you on the floor as he puts his gloves and mask back on. You begin to cry again, and he says nothing about it. He comes back over and says, simply, “I can either drag you like a dead body, or you can stand up.” You attempt to stand, pushing up onto your knees, you bring your legs under you, and gather your strength. 

You do stand, albeit off-balance and lightheaded- when was the last time you’d eaten? Or had water? You couldn’t remember. You take a step, and collapse to the ground, humiliated and fearful- what punishment would he dole out for not choosing- for trying to do one, and failing? He says nothing, and you feel nothing from him. He comes forward, and grabs your wrists, hauling you up to a standing position. He bends down, shoulder meeting your stomach, and he stands, you hanging over his shoulder, hand on the back of leg, just above your knee. “This is better than being dragged, don’t you think?”

You nod, making as loud of a sound of affirmation through the muzzle that you could. He walks towards the door, and the brightness of the hallway outside makes you wince from your position. He begins to walk back the way you came earlier, and you hope that you can see Poe again. Your eyes well at the thought of him. Was he ok? Was he sleeping? Were they hurting him? Would you ever see him again? 

“My, my, so many questions, so little answers. You will be reunited with the Pilot, I assure you. He will be kept here, well fed and safe. He is the leverage we have over you.” His answer to your unspoken questions didn’t make you feel any better. Leverage meant that they could hurt him if you didn't do exactly what they wanted. Kriff, they could hurt him even if you did exactly as they asked. Your thoughts were cut short when he suddenly stopped. 

“General.”

“Supreme leader. The pilot is in his cell, and is making no fuss.”

“Good.”

“What are you going to do with the girl? Surely she proved to be just as useful as the pilot?”

“No, Hux. She is force-sensitive… she oozes fearful potential… I intend to reap that potential for use of the First Order.”


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey lovelies! this one has no blatantly dark themes, but they're building up. No torture in this one.

While the General and Ren were busy conversing, you started to feel the blood pumping to your head, and your breathing become more and more labored. You cough once, twice, but either the Supreme Leader and General hear nothing, or they’re pretending not to hear you. You shift your hips, trying to get one of their attention, but the conversation continues, without a hitch. You take a deep breath, and hope you won’t get killed for this, but you do it anyway. You begin to swing your feet and hands, making as much movement as possible, occasionally brushing Ren’s back or his leg. After a few seconds of doing this, he sighs, bends down, and puts you on your feet. As the blood rushes to the rest of your body, you crumple, and the void welcomes you into its embrace. 

Kylo Ren looked at your form, hair splayed out under your head, hands bound, face encased by muzzle, and he is amused. He’d only drawn the conversation out because he had sensed your distress, and because he wanted you to know that you weren’t going to be doing anything without his permission. His main goal, however, was to truly show you that you were an object, and that you couldn’t, wouldn’t, be your own person anymore. 

Hux looks at your blacked-out form on the ground. His eyes travel back to Kylo, and he raises an eyebrow. “A Muzzle? Could you be more melodramatic?”   
  


Kylo snorts. “I want her to be in fear. Also, the muzzle is a way of reminding her that she is the property of the first order, and it keeps her smug mouth silenced.”

Hux looks down at you again. He nods, and continues walking to his destination- wherever that may be. 

Kylo uses the force to pick you up- it’s both easier, and a casual display of power to his troops. He monitors you, your mind steady and slow. The thing about you being asleep is that, while he gets peace, he also can dig through your mind, undisturbed and unfettered. He sees your memories, sees you playing in the sand as a child, learning how to fight and shoot from a young age. He sees you with his mother- he sees your adoration and admiration for her. He also sees you with the pilot- Dameron. He sees the two of you cuddled together in a bunk, breath fogging in the freezing air. He becomes irrationally angry at this, and follows your memories with him. More and more of the same thing- no sex, no romance. Just you and that pilot being together for almost every mission since you’d joined the resistance. He searches for the location of the resistance base- and finds things that he already knows. The bases in your mind are abandoned or destroyed- completely devoid of life. 

He continues to walk to his chambers, troopers clearing out of his way, curiously watching you float behind him. They knew that they’d taken a prisoner, but prisoners typically didn’t get carried anywhere except to the incinerator, once they were dead. You seemed to be alive at a moment's glance, but when considering the Supreme Leader, one could never be too cautious. 

Ren gets into his elevator- it only opens for him, and it only goes to his chambers. As the car shoots up, he observes your sleeping face. You looked peaceful, innocent. You were still unwoken from dreams, and your mind was in a state of lethargic content. The doors to the elevator car open, and he walks into his room, looking around. Nothing out of place. He takes his helmet off, and walks with you to his room, and drops you onto the floor. He waves a hand over your face, and pauses you from waking up while he puts his lightsaber on a table attached to the wall. He walks into his living room, and sits in the shadows. He waits.

You awaken after passing out - again- rather rudely. Your back and head ache, and you realize that you are not in a hallway, or another cell, but in a room. A rather beautiful room, with a reflective black floor, which you realize you’d landed on, and an entire wall of windows that face the space outside of the Star Destroyer. Endless, inky black, with the dots of glowing stars in the distance. As you sit on the floor, you look to your right, to see a bed- a large one. It seems big enough to fit at least three of Chewbaca’s species, maybe even four. You shift to your feet, and turn completely around. Behind you is a door that is slightly ajar. You push it to the side, to see what looks like a living room. A sofa, a table, some chairs. No decorations, no knicknacks, except for a large Hexagonal ashtray, holding a black helmet. Your instincts tell you to not touch it, but rather look at what it is. You have a prodding feeling in your mind about what it truly is, but you decide you must get a look for yourself. 

When you round the ashtray, your suspicions are confirmed. The helmet is Kylo Ren’s, which means you are in his quarters. You scan the room, and he isn’t there- the only other place he could be is in the ‘fresher, which seems likely, except for the fact that you do not want to walk in on him using it. You decide the best plan of action is to go back to where you woke up from, and try to come up with a plan of escape, survival, or a way to contact Leia. Or Rey, or Finn. You slide back through the door, and sit in the spot you were previously occupying. 

Being in the first order sucked, but catching Kylo Ren’s eye was even worse. You desperately need water and food, and because of the damned muzzle, you can’t even ask for any. You move your still-cuffed hands to the back of your head, searching for a release button for the muzzle. You find none, except for regular straps. Your heart quickens with glee, and you fit your fingers under the straps, and take the thing off of your face. You recoil slightly, because the cold air of his room hits your muzzle-warmed face, and you weren’t expecting it. As you observe his room, you find the exact same thing as his living room; nothing. You do notice, however, that his lightsaber is on a table that you didn’t see before. As you stare at it, it seems to call to you to pick it up, to wield it. 

Only the Jedi can wield lightsabers, right?

You rip your eyes away from the weapon- you’d probably end up hurting yourself anyways; you only knew how to fight with your fists, a blaster, and a staff. The staff was a newly acquired skill, but you were learning from Rey, who was like water with that thing- she danced over the ground at the last base you were on, cutting through the air like a knife. It was like watching someone waltz on Coruscant, except more deadly and less for show- or fun. 

Coruscant, the planet with the rich and ultra-wealthy, war profiteers and Coaxium executives, ancient and historically wealthy people, who literally owned planets and moons. You shake your head, ridding yourself of the vision of Coruscant, trying to stay focused at the matter on hand. Your hunger and thirst. It had been well over a day since you’d last eaten, and you could feel your stomach churning in its state. As you think more and more about contacting someone from the resistance, you can’t help but still have the nagging feeling that you should pick the saber up. 

Picking the saber up, in your case, would be certain death. If Kylo Ren came back and you were with his saber, muzzle-less, he would certainly find new and unpleasant ways to hurt you. Despite your false bravado, you did not want to get hurt again. Him rooting around in your head was torture enough, and you didn’t want to experience the pain and humiliation of having your every thought, feeling, and memory seen by someone else, without your permission. You shake your head, and grab the muzzle. Compliance and submission were the only things you could do to survive, and if that meant going hungry and leaving your muzzle on, that was what it meant. You slip the muzzle back onto your face, and stay where you are. As your brain goes over your day, in painstaking detail, you realize that this last part could be some sort of test from Ren. Why else would he leave both his helmet and saber out- where you could see, and potentially use? Was the urge to use his saber him playing tricks on your mind? Or were you going crazy? 

As you ponder your predicament, the man of the hour walks in, cloak billowing. 

“Now that was a fascinating turn of events, girl. You resisted my suggestion, and even sat back in your place. You took off your muzzle, and put it back on. You’re even in the same place that I dropped you.” His eyes have a maniacal sparkle to them, and you’re not sure that this makes you scared, or terrified. You opt for both, and nod at him, trying to convey your meaning through your eyes. You take your eyes away from his, trying to establish that you were not the one in control- despite how much you hated it. 

_ Please, do not hurt me.  _

He seems to hear your thoughts- hell, he’s probably in your head anyways- he kneels down to you, leather cracking and robes shifting.

“I won’t hurt you if you don’t deserve it.” his tone is soft, but you can tell he means for it to disarm you, make you vulnerable. You’re not sure what his agenda is, and you refer back to his earlier words- his unpredictability puts everyone on their toes. 

You can feel him shift again, and as he brings his hands towards your head, you can’t help but flinch away from him. He tsks, and continues towards your face. He slips a finger under your chin, and tilts your eyes up to his. You look him in the eye, ever apprehensive, and he takes the muzzle off of you, allowing the cold air to once again hit your face. He takes his hands back, and puts the muzzle on his bed. 

Although you knew he was tall, you didn't truly realize until this moment on the floor. Even though he was just kneeling, he cleared your head by at least one, if not two heads. You decide to take a risk, and hold your wrists out to him- your shoulders are starting to ache, and you desperately need that relief, if any. He chuckles, but shakes his head. 

“Considering what happened last time you were without shackles, I’m positive I do not want that to happen again.” You frantically shake your head.

“No, I promise I won't try to run again! My shoulders are in so much pain, I’m hungry, and I’m dehydrated. Please, please, please, please take these off. I’ll let you do anything you want to me. I’ll try to access the force, I’ll do whatever you want, just please take them off!” Your body begins to shake as you begin to sob, the enormity of the day’s events take hold in your mind. He smiles- it’s as if he’s wanted to hear those words from the start.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some backstory for our reader here.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi lovelies! I finally posted, after being gone for what seems like an eternity. I came back to school after break, and hol-ee SHITE there was a lot to do- It's finally calmed down, and I was able to work on this chapter for a hot minute for the last couple of days. Hopefully I'll go back to a schedule of posting- if there was ever one to begin with, lmao.   
> hope y'all like it <3

“Easy, girl. I’ll take them off.” He reaches towards your extended arms, and waves a hand over the shackles- they open with a click, and drop to the floor. You instantly take your left hand in your right, rolling your wrist, the skin was cold and sensitive. You switch to the other hand, and you cannot look away from his eyes- they say that’s how they get to you, through the eyes. 

He snorts, and you immediately know that he is still in your head. 

“Stand up. You need food if you’re going to train, and I can almost hear your hunger from here.” His robes swing through the air, and he is towering over you as he waits for your response. You take a deep breath, and stand back up. He surveys you once more, turns, and walks to his living room again. 

_ Train? _

You follow him nonetheless, and he walks to the wall farthest from his room, and waves his hand over it- it opens and inside is a whole assortment of fruits, nuts, and what looks like some sort of porridge. He looks back at you, and jerks his head towards the table-esque thing. You walk forward, and grab as much as you can get. Living in the desert meant that all food was precious- and that you should get as much as you could. It also meant that you ate with vigor, because saving your meal could mean someone would try to take it from you. 

You take all that you’d gathered, and sit down on his sofa, laying everything out on the table, disregarding any manners whatsoever, you begin to shove food in your mouth as fast as you can. You’re still thirsty, but water is a second thought in your mind at the moment. The porridge is tasteless, but warm; similar to the food you’re used to for longer missions in space- it had all that the human body needed, but the taste was inconsequential. Once you finish the porridge, you eat the sliced Jogan fruit, inwardly reveling in the sweetness of the meat of the fruit. 

You had been so preoccupied with eating to notice that he had gotten his own food, as well as some water for the two of you. He was sitting across from you, mindfully chewing some Jogan fruit as well. You were very aware of his presence in your head, and, instead of attempting to push him out, you let him sit inside of your psyche, and reach forward for your water. You had fully intended to drink slowly, but when the water hit your tongue, you chugged just as fast as you had on your home planet. Although water wasn’t scarce for your family- you were somewhat affluent- sometimes the shipments would become a little slower. You shake off the thought of your home planet when the couch shifts, and you feel Kylo’s presence next to you- just outside of what could be considered your personal space, but close enough to make you uncomfortable. 

You drag your eyes to his, to find him staring at you intently, with his torso hunched over his spread legs. The sheer size of him was intimidating enough, but with the all-black ensemble, he looked positively malevolent. 

“How come you do not know you’re force sensitive? Have you not exhibited any awareness of the force?”

“I’ve never been able to tap into the force, if that’s what you’re asking. Of course I knew about it- I’ve walked in on Rey and General Organa lifting books with their minds- or the force, however you would phrase it.”

He nods, and leans back into the couch, his face blank. 

You take a deep breath, and ask for his glass of water- you were thirsty again. He nods, and you take it, sipping slowly. 

“How are you going to get me to actually be aware of the force- in the way that the Jedi and Sith are?”

“Before we do anything, you’re going to undergo a blood test- you’re too frail, and for you to be a healthy trainee, you need to be fed properly.”   
  


You could feel the rage simmer at his words- he was insinuating you were underfed and unhealthy. The First Order was why so many were out of food, water, and homes. Families had been split apart, children were taken from their homes and brainwashed. You’d seen a man trips over his feet in a bazaar, directly in front of a stormtrooper. He had been shot through the head, not once, but twice. You’d heard the laughter from the white-armored men, and felt the fear of those around you. The first order was just like the empire- they weren’t in existence to bring order and peace to the galaxy, they were there to rule, to objectify, beat down, and enslave those that existed within it. 

You could feel your hands clench, one forming a fist, and the other squeezing the half-empty glass of water. You could feel your nostrils flare, and your face gets red. You didn’t dare say anything, but you felt the words seething on the tip of your tongue. His facade shifted, into something akin to amusement. He knew what you were feeling, what you were thinking- and while part of you was furious at the invasion into and of your mind, the other, much larger part was gleeful- let him hear you, feel your rage. 

He shifted, and your heart jumped, and you weren't sure whether or not it was your anger or fear. 

“You’re angry.”

You turn to him, to face him fully, and look him in his eyes. “Yes, I am angry. You know why I’m angry,  _ Supreme Leader _ .” You all but spit his title at him, and you knew that would earn you some sort of punishment, but at the moment you didn’t really care. 

“Your people subjugate entire planets because of something you need- planets that have precious metals, fuel, food, all have been taken over by your lot of assholes, and then you rape and kill those who inhabit it. After you’re done with your needs, you leave the planet to die- polluted air and water, the land useless. Your people leave death, destruction, and carnage wherever you go, in search of your intergalactic domination, which says something about your own self-esteem issues, and the size of your ego. So if you’re going to say I’m underfed, maybe you should consider all of those who are actually starving- Rey had to fight for a quarter-portion each and every day on Jakku. That isn’t enough for anyone to live on, especially a growing girl- I could count her ribs for months after I met her. Now, that isn’t just being naturally skinny, that is being malnourished."

"She's nineteen- imagine having to fight for your life from day one, instead of it being fed to you on a silver platter. Now, my family was wealthy- not rich, but well off- I didn’t have to fight for my life. I was well-fed and happy for years. When your people came to my planet, to take the Coaxium out of the mines, you enslaved my family. My mother became a miner, and so did my father. My sister got killed by your troopers, when she failed to go any faster than her sleep-deprived and malnourished body could allow. I was spared from this, and instead I was taken by one of your officials, and almost forced into sexual slavery. I killed him with his own blaster, and escaped. On live holochanels I saw my parents, with thirteen other people  _ murdered _ by your men. I have  _ every _ right to be angry, every right to be absolutely furious with you.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys!! I'm so sorry, it has literally been ages since I last posted. For a hot minute, everything was super hectic, especially with the transfer from in-person classes to online stuff, as well as work and family things! Good news, I will be trying to pump out more chapters as summer gets closer- as well as through summer.   
> Notes for this chapter:  
> \- the reader has a lot happen  
> -trauma is already manifesting  
> -kylo is dramatic, as always

You stopped to take a breath, nostrils flaring as you breathed. Kylo’s face remained impassive, and his breathing was steady, but you sensed that something was about to happen- you knew that you were in danger, but there were no physical tics or indications that he was about to attack you. 

He stood up, and you panicked- you jolted backwards, attempting to put distance between him and you. Instead of attacking you like you thought he would, he got another glass of water. Weary and terrified, you get off of the couch, standing in a defensive stance, left shoulder turned towards him, left arm bent in front of your face, right arm bent across your stomach. He was famous for his temper, and wearing his emotions on his sleeve. Yet, he was unreadable. He sipped his water, and ignored you. Somehow, this was even more terrifying than the anger that you knew he possessed. 

He finishes his glass, and gets up, movements fluid and slow. He approaches you as if you’re a cornered and scared animal, which, in this moment, you may as well be. You stay rooted to the spot, instincts colliding, screaming at you to run, to attack him,  _ to get away, to  _ _eliminate_ _the threat._

He is the first to speak, after your outburst.

“Insolence will not be tolerated. However, you have every right to question your master-” 

_ master? _

“- for as long as it is appropriate. We are going to the medbay, but first, you will change your clothes. You are my apprentice now, and you will not be wearing the clothes of a resistance member.”

You notice that he does not mention the amount of time of which is considered "appropriate." 

You snort. “You have womens clothing just lying around, do you?” 

He seems mildly miffed at your insinuation- a femenist he was not. 

“I do not have women's clothing ‘laying around’, there's a clothing dispensary on the level below this. You will be at my side, that or I will drag you. The choice is yours.” 

His sadistic streak was showing again- you could feel it, his palpable excitement at the possibility to humiliate and degrade you. You nod, and he looks at you questioningly. After a second, you find your voice, and stammer out that you will walk with him. He nods, and walks around you, but as you do not fall beside him, he stops, and turns expectantly. You shake yourself out of your confusion, and make your way to his side. He stares down at you, impossible to read, and yet, so easy to understand.  _ Stay by his side.  _ He walks, and you walk with him, all the way to the door that you hadn’t noticed in your original investigation of his quarters. 

He takes off his glove- which you hadn’t even noticed that he had put back on, waves his hand over a scanner, and the door opens with a  _ whoosh _ . He walks through, and you do as well- mind racing.  _ What about Poe? Was he alright? Had he escaped? How were  _ you  _ going to escape? _ If Ren is aware of your thoughts, which you’re almost certain that he does, he does not say or do anything to indicate otherwise. The lift slows, and then stops. Before the doors open, he turns to you- as if to say  _ behave.  _ You nod, once, just to let him know you understand. The lift door opens, and he marches out- with you by his side, walking as fast as you can without having to jog- the man was  _ huge _ , and his strides reflected that. 

He turns the corner, and there is a desk, attendant looking bored and on the verge of sleep. As soon as she sees the two of you, she straightens, smooths her uniform and hair, and stands at attention. 

“Sir, what can I help you with?”

Ren looks at you, expectant. You look back at him, not knowing what he wants you to wear. He sighs, lists off the clothing he wants you to have: training uniform, sleepwear, and toiletries, and looks at you expectantly again. 

You realize what he missed, and without missing a beat, tell the girl your bra size, requesting five sports bras, and your underwear size, requesting at least a month's worth. She nods, putting this into the system. As the request files away, droids begin to bring the items up to the front, placing them in two separate duffel bags, one for clothing, and the other for toiletries. 

At once, every one of your senses become hyperactive- you can hear the girl at the window breathing, the droids soft  _whirr_ as they putter around. You can feel the heat that Ren gives off, the cold, recycled air that the Star Destroyer has running through. It all smells the same, sterile and cold, and it instantly makes you want to sneeze. The worst part? You’re now struggling to see properly, the lights are too bright, the girl, and Ren, seem to glow, and they’re doing so blindingly. You hold your head up, trying to keep the facade of normalcy, which is quickly failing. The last items are placed in the second duffel, and you lurch forward, almost like a puppet on a string to get them. 

_ I need to GET OUT. _

Ren could see the panic of awakening on your face- he knew, that like his encounter with Rey, he had awakened the latent connection you had with the force, and you were beginning to be aware, as all force-sensitive people were. The threat he possessed had made you fearful, and he could see the darkside of the force pooling around your feet, your fear and weariness feeding it, and tendrils of its power were slowly creeping their way up your body. He could also see the light side of the force, your inherent  _ goodness _ almost at war with the dark. He knew what you were going through- was ever-present in your mind, and so, on a much smaller, more opaque scale. He knew his presence in your mind was also amplifying things for you- and he relished the fact that  _ he _ was the one to awaken you, not his mother, or the scavenger. 

When you lurched forward, he felt the panic erupt from you, pushing out in all directions, coercing his heartbeat to respond in kind- he could see the sweat on your face, feel the clamminess in your palms, and the trembling of the muscles in your legs. 

Panic, although stemmed from fear, was not productive to what he wanted to happen. Through the force, he sent a wave of calm, forcing your thoughts to slow, your flight instincts to recede, and your heart to slow. He hated what his previous master had taught him, but he had to admit that sometimes, the jedi creed; “there is no passion, there is serenity,” did serve at times. 

Your body relaxed, and so did he. Without further incident, you grabbed the bags, and turned to him, deferring to his guidance- as you should, as his new apprentice. He turned, and walked back to the turbolift- noting your footsteps behind his, and your subdued presence in the force. The suggestion should wane in the next few minutes, as he could already feel your presence trickling back, feel the darkside roaring in his psyche. 

Once in his quarters, you were fully back to yourself- not panicked, but wary and confused. Your eyes were sharp, but your mind betrayed you. 

“Go back to my quarters, put on a training uniform. Do whatever else you would in order to get ready for hand-to hand combat. You have five minutes.”

_ Five minutes!  _

You nod, and scurry to his quarters, shutting the door behind you, walking to a corner to out the bags in, as well as to remove the resistance uniform you’re currently clad in. You pull all but your underwear off, slip on a sports bra, new socks, leggings- which fit surprisingly well- a short sleeve shirt with the first order insignia on it’s sleeve, and grab a hair tie out of the bag of toiletries. You rush to put your hair into a tight ponytail, and rush out the door. The holo of a chronometer shows just two seconds left in the countdown of five minutes. 


End file.
